It’s easy to jumble your words when you’ve been drinking.

Alcohol makes you get a little ahead of yourself, or it just plain makes you forget. I get it. Either way, as your bartender it’s my job to navigate past all this and get you what you came to me for. Namely, more booze.

As you, my little droogies, have often shown, sometimes ordering isn’t as easy as you would think. Your barking out “Grey Goose and vodka, please,” is often met with a blank stare from me. Because you made no sense. It sounded like “gehry moose hand vodpa, pls.” Say it again. Slowly. When customers repeat it and correct themselves, they sometimes take longer than others to realize their mistake. Then there are the orders that aren’t so much a slip of the tongue, but a slip of the brain. “I’ll have a vodka and cranberry on the rocks, in a bigger glass.” Yes, you will, because that is how we serve cocktails. In a glass. With ice. Some booze, and a mixer of your choice. Coming right up.

Note: For those in my field, backwards ordering is also the opposite of fun. “I’ll have a Jameson.” To a bartender, this could be a shot of Jameson, or a Jameson neat. The proper response to our confusion is not silence and a puzzled stare, followed by, “…with ginger ale, in a cup with ice.” That’s called a Jameson and ginger, and hey, it too is a cocktail!

Now let’s work together here, and for the love of God, just learn how to order your shit without pissing me off.

@BarHavoc