• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • HOME
  • NEWS+OPINIONS
    • NEWS TO US
    • COLUMNS
      • APPARENT HORIZON
      • DEAR READER
      • Close
    • LONGFORM FEATURES
    • OPINIONS
    • EDITORIAL
    • Close
  • ARTS+ENTERTAINMENT
    • FILM
    • MUSIC
    • COMEDY
    • PERFORMING ARTS
    • VISUAL ARTS
    • Close
  • DINING+DRINKING
    • EATS
    • SIPS
    • Close
  • LIFESTYLE
    • CANNABIS
      • TALKING JOINTS MEMO
      • Close
    • WELLNESS
    • GTFO
    • Close
  • STUFF TO DO
  • TICKETS
  • ABOUT US
    • 5 DOUBLE-U’S
    • MASTHEAD
    • DISTRIBUTION
    • ADVERTISE
    • SUBMISSIONS
    • PRIVACY POLICY
    • Close
  • BECOME A MEMBER

Dig Bos

The Dig - Boston's Only Newspaper

READ CURRENT STREET ISSUE

DIG Year End 2020

SATIRICAL SATIVA SPECIAL: THE CANNHATTAN PROJECT

Written by JOHN DVORAK Posted March 26, 2016 Filed Under: Uncategorized

TT_CannhattanProject_728

Image by Tak Toyoshima

 

Executive Order #420

 

The White House, Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release

 

In the spirit of the Manhattan Project which took innovation and collaboration to unseen levels and helped the Allies win World War II, the United States government is starting a program to fund research and development into all aspects of the cannabis plant at an accelerated pace as we also end a War on Drugs that has negatively impacted millions. To address several significant societal issues, by the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, the creation of the Cannhattan Project is hereby ordered as follows:

 

Section 1. Legalization. The plant genus cannabis, including but not limited to its divergent subspecies cannabis sativa and cannabis indica, is immediately legalized and removed from the schedule of controlled substances. Cannabis is now legal to cultivate, possess, transport, process, use, consume and sell by individuals 18 years of age and older. All treaties to which the United States of America is a party and which include undue restrictions on cannabis are declared null and void.

 

Sec. 2. Clemency/Expungement. All individuals currently incarcerated for any cannabis possession charge will be immediately released. All other cannabis convicts imprisoned for cultivation or distribution will be freed unless there are extenuating circumstances involving crimes of violence. The criminal records of all individuals released and of those who have ever been arrested for a nonviolent cannabis offense will be expunged.  

 

Sec. 3. Reparations. The Cannhattan Project will make every effort to compensate people who have suffered as a result of prohibition. Free tuition, interest-free loans, counseling on demand, and financial remuneration for lost income will be available. The Department of Justice’s asset forfeiture program will cease and all monies confiscated without due process will be returned with interest.  

 

Sec. 4. Easing Catch-422 Restrictions. Cannabis companies must have access to the same basic economic tools afforded every other business. As such, they shall henceforth be considered a part of mainstream American commerce and are now allowed to obtain loans, process credit cards, and deduct business expenses. All interstate and international shipping restrictions are lifted. Insurance companies are required to cover medicinal cannabis treatments. Testing positive for cannabis will no longer result in the automatic loss of one’s job or government benefits.  

 

CANNHATTAN PROJECT logo for DigBoston

 

Sec. 5. Harm Reduction. The Cannhattan Project guarantees immediate treatment on demand to be covered by all insurance plans.

 

Sec. 6. Endocannabinoid Research. A cornerstone of the Cannhattan Project is intensive research into how the 85+ cannabinoids found in the cannabis flower interact with the endocannabinoid system.  Through a Cannabis Curriculum, I am authorizing the granting of one hundred billion dollars for cannabis research at all educational levels from K-12, undergraduate and graduate university studies, teaching hospitals and commercial grade research and development.  

 

Sec. 7. Veteran Affairs. Our veterans fought for us and it’s high time we fight for them. Because cannabis is so effective for treating traumatic brain injuries and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the Cannhattan Project will provide our veterans with Cannabis free of charge wherever needed.

 

Sec. 8. Indigenousness. Like our veterans, Native Americans have been mistreated and disregarded.  The Cannhattan Project seeks to bestow respect to this proud people. Just as they used all parts of the buffalo to survive, Native Americans are free to use the entire Cannabis plant to produce food, fuel, paper, clothing, building materials, biodegradable plastic, high strength composites, and medicine.

 

Sec. 9. Hemp. The Cannhattan Project will focus on the myriad industrial uses of hemp to address several environmental and societal problems. To help kick-start the hemp industry, all new government buildings will have hemp incorporated into their construction whenever feasible. This includes hempcrete, hemp particle board, insulation and composite shingles in conjunction with hemp carpeting and upholstery to create comfortable, clean environments for government workers and the public they serve. All new government vehicles, including thousands of U.S. Postal Service trucks, will be made with hemp bio-composites and fueled with hempseed oil biodiesel, hemp stalk-based ethanol or hemp fiber supercapacitors. Hemp fiber will be used to create tomorrow’s superconducting batteries which will supercharge the economy. U.S. currency will be printed on hemp paper. All government facilities and public schools will prominently feature healthy hemp foods and healing hemp based body care products.  

 

Sec. 10. Reinvigorating Rural America. The Cannhattan Project will reverse the decades long erosion of America’s farming communities. Incentives will be given for growing, processing and manufacturing hemp locally. This will create a multiplier effect and self-sustaining, regenerative farming economies.

 

Sec. 11. Hemp for Victory Redux. The legacy of World War II’s Hemp for Victory campaign is still growing wild throughout the Midwest. Feral hemp will provide the germplasm of tomorrow’s hemp industries. The Cannhattan Project creates USDA bounty stations to pay patriotic Americans for locating feral hemp.

 

Sec. 12. Reefer Gladness. Our government has spent billions demonizing marijuana and stigmatizing an entire class of Americans. The Cannhattan Project will help turn Reefer Madness into Reefer Gladness.  Frequent smokeouts will be held on the front lawn of the White House and there will be epic Extravaganja celebrations on the National Mall in Washington DC every year on 4/20. The Cannhattan Project will also be sponsoring a series of festivals and hemposia across the country for celebrations and education.

 

Sec. 13. Remembrance. We will build a hempen memorial that contains the name of every prisoner of prohibition, every victim of prohibition related violence, every patient that struggled to obtain their medicine and every anti-prohibition pioneer that selflessly fought for everyone’s rights. They will number into the millions, yet we must recognize them to illustrate the scope of the tragedy that is prohibition and to provide some closure.

 

Sec. 14. Canna-Cabinet. For the Cannhattan Project to succeed, the right people must be involved.  Eapen Thampy will coordinate reparations, Vivian McPeak will organize the Reefer Gladness campaign and Hempologist John Dvorak will continue to document The Cannhattan Project for posterity. I will also be appointing a Canna-Cabinet consisting of individuals committed to normalizing cannabis.

 

Hempologist John Dvorak has been reporting on cannabis hemp and its prohibition for over 25 years. He created the hemp history website Hempology.org and developed the Cannabis Curriculum.

 

JOHN DVORAK
More from author
    This author does not have any more posts.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Barack Obama, cannabis, Cannhattan Project, John Dvorak, satire, White House

WHAT’S NEW

DEAR GLOBE READERS LAUNCHES AS PUBLIC INFORMATION CAMPAIGN

DEAR GLOBE READERS LAUNCHES AS PUBLIC INFORMATION CAMPAIGN

SOULDIER STORY: JOEL MASSICOT ON MIXING MARTIAL ARTS, DANCE, AND MILITARY INFLUENCES

SOULDIER STORY: JOEL MASSICOT ON MIXING MARTIAL ARTS, DANCE, AND MILITARY INFLUENCES

THE END OF THE WORLD IN AN AIRBNB

THE END OF THE WORLD IN AN AIRBNB

MEETING THREATS WITH HOPE AND COURAGE

MEETING THREATS WITH HOPE AND COURAGE

TITANIC SHIFTS: DEMS SWAP DECK CHAIRS AMIDST GOP-PROVOKED TSUNAMI

TITANIC SHIFTS: DEMS SWAP DECK CHAIRS AMIDST GOP-PROVOKED TSUNAMI

NEARLY A YEAR INTO PANDEMIC, MASS CATS ARE STILL SHORT ON FOOD

NEARLY A YEAR INTO PANDEMIC, MASS CATS ARE STILL SHORT ON FOOD

Primary Sidebar

HEMPIRE FREEDOM PACK 25% OFF

FEATURED EVENT

Most Popular

  • APPOINTED SOMERVILLE OFFICIAL SPURS OUTRAGE WITH TWEETS FROM DC MOB SCENE by MARC LEVY
  • Aerial View Parkman Bandstand at Boston Common. CC BY-SA 4.0 2017 by AbhiSuryawanshi. NO HONEYMOON FOR BIDEN: 1/20 PROTEST ON BOSTON COMMON, 4 PM by MATTHEW ANDREWS
  • VIDEO: COP WHO BRAGGED THAT HE HIT PROTESTERS SHOWS HOW BAD APPLES THRIVE IN BOSTON by CHRIS FARAONE
  • PRISON HORRORS BY THE NUMBERS by SARAH BETANCOURT
  • IT’S HARDER THAN EVER TO FIND A BATHROOM IN BOSTON. WHAT’S THE CITY DOING ABOUT IT? by ZACK HUFFMAN

READ CURRENT MEMBER EDITION

DIG Member 1.9 – 11/26/20

READ CURRENT STREET ISSUE

DIG Year End 2020

Footer

digbos

“It started as a vision I had while listening to “It started as a vision I had while listening to the song over and over again during the early stages of the quarantine.” https://digboston.com/the-quins-talk-making-awesome-videos-in-quarantine/ #interview #video #music #art #arts #Boston #Massachusetts #coronavirus #COVID19
“We were all caught pretty off guard when the pa “We were all caught pretty off guard when the pandemic hit, but I think that using the resources that we have available to us we have been able to meet the demand at every step.” https://digboston.com/handling-the-herd-how-boston-built-its-massive-covid-testing-apparatus/ #politics #Boston #Massachusetts #coronavirus #COVID19
Republican Gov. Charlie Baker started the new year Republican Gov. Charlie Baker started the new year by vetoing a sweeping #climate change bill. https://digboston.com/titanic-shifts-dems-swap-deck-chairs-amidst-gop-provoked-tsunami/ #politics #news #Democrats #GOP #Boston #Massachusetts #USA #veto
“Trump was voted out. However, this is not a man “Trump was voted out. However, this is not a mandate for #Biden and #Harris.” https://digboston.com/photos-recap-no-honeymoon-for-biden-rally-in-boston/ #photo #rally #march #left #protest #inauguration #Boston #Massachusetts
OPINION: IS DISSENT ANTI-NATIONALISM OR PATRIOTISM OPINION: IS DISSENT ANTI-NATIONALISM OR PATRIOTISM? #Boston #protest for Indian farmers, Saturday 1/23/21, 12-1 pm at the #Massachusetts State House https://digboston.com/opinion-is-dissent-anti-nationalism-or-patriotism/ #India #politics #food #farmer #protest #justice #solidarity @monica_gill1
HOW ONE MASS TOWN TOOK EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES TO A HOW ONE MASS TOWN TOOK EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES TO APPEASE A CONTROVERSIAL COP https://digboston.com/no-justice-how-officials-in-one-mass-town-took-extraordinary-measures-to-appease-a-controversial-cop/ #ArlingtonMA #police #reform #cop #racism #controversy #BlackLivesMatter #Massachusetts
Ghost kitchens simply don’t have a need for host Ghost kitchens simply don’t have a need for hosts, servers, bartenders, bussers … What happens to those #jobs if virtual kitchens continue to flourish? https://digboston.com/ghost-story-virtual-kitchens-appear-to-be-the-next-big-thing-but-at-what-cost/ #restaurant #labor #work #Boston #Massachusetts #coronavirus #COVID19
“I don’t think we’re going to wake up on Jan “I don’t think we’re going to wake up on Jan. 7 in the same country we went to bed in on the 6th.” https://digboston.com/former-mass-gubernatorial-candidate-predicted-violence-before-assault-on-capitol/ #politics #Massachusetts #national #Capitol #WashingtonDC #MAGA
RADICAL AND RELEVANT: THE LIFE OF HARRY BRILL http RADICAL AND RELEVANT: THE LIFE OF HARRY BRILL https://digboston.com/radical-and-relevant-the-life-of-harry-brill/ #obituary #organizer #radical #sociologist #democracy #politics @UMassBoston @BklynCollege411 @UCBerkeley #Boston #Massachusetts #NewYorkCity #Berkeley #California
NO HONEYMOON FOR BIDEN: 1/20 #PROTEST ON BOSTON CO NO HONEYMOON FOR BIDEN: 1/20 #PROTEST ON BOSTON COMMON, 4 PM https://digboston.com/no-honeymoon-for-biden-1-20-protest-on-boston-common-4-pm/ #opinion #progressive #left #action #inauguration #Boston #Massachusetts
Load More... Follow on Instagram
Social Buttons

DigBoston facebook DigBoston Twitter DigBoston Instagram

Masthead

About

Submissions

Advertise

Privacy Policy

Customer Service

Distribution

About Us

DigBoston is a one-stop nexus for everything worth doing or knowing in the Boston area. It's an alt-weekly, it's a website, it's an e-mail blast, it's a twitter account, it's that cool party that you were at last night ... hey, you're reading it, so it's gotta be good. For advertising inquiries: [email protected] To reach Editorial: [email protected] For internship opportunities: [email protected]