Somehow, Sean Connery in a thong didn’t top the list
BY DIG STAFF + BOSTON SCIFI FILM FESTIVAL
A few weeks ago, during FanExpo Boston, we teamed with our partners from the Boston SciFi Film Fest on a mission to determine the worst science fiction movies of all time. We polled readers, processed nominations from our backchannels, and finally presented the list to a room that was surprisingly packed for a Sunday morning affair. Specifically, Dig Editor-in-Chief Chris Faraone moderated as experts Miriam Olken, a member of Women in Film and Video of New England (WIFVNE) and the filmmaker liaison for the Boston SciFi Film Fest, and Dig movie critic Jake Mulligan riffed accordingly.
“I object to the whole blanking premise of this,” Mulligan told the crowd early on. “Sci-fi movies are rarely the worst. A lot of people have a really pointless objection to artificiality and unreality in movies, and that’s why when you’re talking about the worst movies ever made, sci-fi and horror always come up. I call bullshit on that, because to me these are the best movies. Even when a sci-fi or a horror movie is bad, there’s a very intrinsically visual component to it. It’s just inherent to the genre: You’re world building. Ten days out of 10, I will take whatever the voters have said are the worst sci-fi movies over the best Joe Swanberg movie.”
Olken didn’t disagree: “Science fiction is amazing,” she said, “and continues to be a presence for people day in and day out, because it talks about topics that are hard to talk about in a way that people understand.”
On that foundation, the panelists proceeded to peel through the picks, poking fun at some pictures and expressing adoration at others. Without further ado, here’s the first half of the list. Pick up next week’s paper and check digboston.com for the whole rundown.
10 – Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
Stock Description: “The Man of Steel crusades for nuclear disarmament and meets Lex Luthor’s latest creation, Nuclear Man.”
9 – Howard the Duck (1986)
Stock Description: “A sarcastic humanoid duck is pulled from his homeworld to Earth where he must stop a hellish alien invasion with the help of a nerdy scientist and a cute struggling female rock singer who fancies him.”
Chris’s Take: “Some of us were a little disappointed to see this up here, but it’s like orange juice with pulp—you either loved it, or you want it banished from the face of the earth.”
Miriam’s Take: “I saw this two years ago on 70mm in a double screening with The Dark Crystal and laughed my ass off. Really, people were loud in the theater. This is on this list because it’s corny, but why we love it so much is because people took it so seriously. I think this is one of Tim Robbins’ best performances. He’s so good, he sells it. And Lea Thompson, she’s going for it.”
Jake’s Take: “This is part of sci-fi from the past that we code as being embarrassing even though there’s a level of craft to it that is above the usual.”
8 – Leonard Part 6 (1987)
Stock Description: “Secret Agent Leonard Parker is called out of retirement to save the world from evil genius Medusa Johnson.”
Jake’s Take: “This is a spy spoof made in the ’80s starring Bill Cosby, and it was a big Bill Cosby auteur project. And Bill Cosby wasn’t so much of a director. He wanted to make a movie from the ground up, so he came up with a script and he was pretty much the producer and the de facto director, but they had a guy for hire, and him and Cosby were constantly fighting. So the movie comes out and everyone hates it. Even Cosby hates it, and he goes on the press tour to promote the movie and talks about how terrible it is. Then he uses his immense personal wealth to buy the television rights, which he retains till this day so that it will never be shown. The kicker is that he couldn’t afford the home video rights, so you can get a DVD of it, but you’ll never see it on television.”
7 – They Saved Hitler’s Brain (1968)
Stock Description: “Nazi madmen preserve Hitler’s brain on a small tropical island until the time is right to resurrect him and, along with him, the Third Reich.”
Jake’s Take: “I’ve seen this movie, but I barely retained anything. When Inglourious Basterds came out I went through a big Nazisploitation phase; there’s a bunch of stuff like this, and then you can get into adjacent programs like Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975). … There’s nothing really interesting happening [in They Saved Hitler’s Brain]. If you want a good Hitler exploitation movie, watch Fritz Lang’s Man Hunt.”
Audience Take: “Don’t see it.”
6 – Zardoz (1974)
Stock Description: “In the distant future, a savage trained only to kill finds a way into the community of bored immortals that alone preserves humanity’s achievements.”
Jake’s Take: “This was the movie John Boorman used all his clout to make after Deliverance. So he used all his money to get this movie made in which Sean Connery is wearing a red bondage outfit. And there’s this big giant stone godhead that floats around the landscape. I may not have this exactly right, but I think the big line of dialogue is, ‘The gun is good, the penis is evil’ [Ed. note: Insanely, he is correct].”
Miriam’s Take: “It’s the leather. You just can’t take the movie seriously.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS
- Breakfast of Aliens (1993)
- After Earth (2013)
- Ultraviolet (1954)
- Alien from LA (1988)
We’ll post the rest of the list next week. Stay tuned!
Dig Staff means this article was a collaborative effort. Teamwork, as we like to call it.
