We pulled more than 1,000 words from the episode’s transcript, replaced (a minimal number of) dated terms like “horses” with more neutral or contemporary ones, and excerpted it below for you to have a good laugh (and/or cry) as you read this on an un-air-conditioned Red Line on the hottest day of the summer.
OH, SULLIVAN: I BRAVED THE NOTORIOUS CROSSHAIRS OF CHARLESTOWN, EVERETT, AND SOMERVILLE AND LIVED TO WRITE ABOUT IT
Even for this tortured region, Sullivan is something of an evil clusterfuck oasis, an otherworldly portal into gridlock that uniquely cripples multiple municipalities at once.
LET’S BOLT: A DIARY FROM SOMEONE WHO ALMOST BLEW UP ON THE BOLT BUS YESTERDAY
You will never see my ass on one of those fucking buses again.
CLUELESS MASS TROOPER TWEETS NONSENSE
On privileged lawmen editorializing protest news
